Never share your pancakes with customers!
by poakkis
Summary: ...you never know what will happen if you do! Rated for some swearing, OkitaKagura because I just love them!


**My first Gintama fic...gaaaahhh, I'm so nervous! **

**Anyways, this was a challenge fic from fainaru, I picked the challenge from the forum. I don't know if the challenges are still up but whatever xDD**

**Enjoy, people!**

**Disclaimer: nope, I don't own Gintama, Hideaki Sorachi does. **

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**Never share your pancakes with customers, no matter what!**

It was silent in the Yorozuya that faithful day. Kagura was alone in the house, since Shinpachi and Gin were out for some reason or another, and Gin ordered her to stay home no matter what. She had vowed to stay in that house even if it got burned down while they were gone.

Wait, did I say she was alone? Let me correct that: she was alone with a _customer._

Kagura glared at the young man sitting at the other side of the table. He glared back for a while before resuming his eating. Kagura twitched and stepped on the table. She pointed a finger at him and started yelling.

"Why do I have to share my pancakes with YOU of all people?!?!" she screamed.

Sougo looked up and didn't even blink an eye as he answered: "Because I'm a customer, and danna (Sougo calls Gin 'danna' for some reason) wouldn't be too happy if you just chased me out."

"But why are you eating my pancakes?!"

"Because I am."

"What kinda stupid reasoning is that?! You shall be eaten alive by the monster in your toilet tonight at 11.00 pm sharp if you won't barf it all out right now!"

"That's just stupid, and if the monster really comes I'll just blow it up."

"You can't just blow up the poor monster just because I sent it to kill you!"

"Oh, I'll just behead it then."

"You sadist!"

"You're the sadist here!"

Kagura took a pancake from her plate, made sure it had lots of syrup on it and threw it at Sougo's face.

Bullseye.

Sougo twitched as the pancake fell from his face to his lap. He had syrup all over his face and his hair was sticky. So, what would a man do in this situation?

Pay back of course. Double.

And so, the epic Pancake War began.

* * *

About 15 minutes later they were both sticky, heaving and glaring at each other. The whole place was messed up, pancakes were literally everywhere and syrup covered most of the room. 

"Not bad, little girl" Sougo smirked.

"Ohh, did you just compliment me? You still have a crush on me?" Kagura taunted.

"What? A crush on you? Never had, never will have" he made a disgusted face.

"Well, that's a relief" Kagura answered, but inside she felt kind of…disappointed…

"Ready to continue the fight?" Sougo raised a pancake he pulled out of nowhere.

"Sure thing!" she let out a war cry and got ready to charge.

But something suddenly happened.

The light went off and everything went dark.

"What the heck happened?! Aaaahh, Gin-chan save me! The toilet monster has come for me!" Kagura screamed.

"Shut up, you stupid little girl! I bet the light bulb just went off or something. We just have to find the window and open it."

"But where the heck is the window?! And why do you always call me a little girl?! Just how old are you anyway?!"

"That has nothing to do with the situation. Now, help me find the window already."

"I'm not moving unless you tell me your age!"

"How childish. Fine, it's 18."

"You're only 4 years older than me! You have no right to call me a little girl!"

"You're little, and you're a girl, so that sums it up."

"Auuuuuughh, I hate you! Where are you, you stupid, little son of a-YAAAAAAAHHH!!!!"

"Gaahh!"

* * *

"Wow, the house is still standing. Guess it was ok to leave Kagura-chan alone after all" Shinpachi sighed, relieved as he followed Gin up the stairs to the Yorozuya's door. 

"I told you so! That girl isn't that stupid, even if she does look like it" Gin said and opened the door.

They froze.

There, right in front of them, were Kagura and Sougo in a rather suspicious position. Kagura was lying on top of Sougo, their legs tangled up, their lips pressed together and bodies covered in something sticky that looked like syrup.

A moment passed, and Gin slammed the door shut.

"I didn't see Kagura lip locked with that Shinsengumi-guy, I didn't see Kagura lip locked with that Shinsengumi-guy, I didn't-" Gin ranted in panic.

"Ahhh, what if her father hears about this?! We'll be killed! We're doomed, we're doomed for sure! There's nothing left to save us!" Shinpachi yelled and pulled his hair.

They heard loud screaming and crashing from inside, and decided to peek in. They saw Kagura beating the hell out of the Shinsengumi captain, all the while screaming her head off. She was pretty red, the blush could be seen under all the syrup.

"You bastard! I'll kill you! That was my first kiss! I can never get married! It's all your fault, you damn bastard! Give me my life back!"

"Kagura-chan, what exactly happened here?" Shinpachi asked.

Kagura noticed them and ran over to Gin and gripped the front of his shirt.

"Gin-chan! That sadist raped me! I can never get married now!" she cried on his chest.

"Raped? But you have your clothes on so that's impossible. And you just said that it was your first kiss, so it's not a rape, but sexual abuse" Shinpachi explained in a matter of fact tone.

"Mentally! He raped my mind!"

"Is that even possible…?" Shinpachi sweat dropped.

Gin looked at the pretty much lifeless body on the floor. "Hey, you alive?"

"No, I'm not alive…" a tiny, pained voice was heard.

"Oh well. Shinpachi, send him back to the Shinsengumi! I'll try to un-rape Kagura's mind."

"No, I think that's impossible…" he mumbled.

* * *

Later that day, the Shinsengumi headquarters opened it's gates to a bandaged and half-dead-looking Sougo. Kondou was the first to panic. 

"Sougo! What happened to you!? Did those bullies from the playground come again?!" he fussed.

"Kondou-san, that was 15 years ago. And please don't worry about me, this is nothing" he said with a straight face and walked (cough limped) to the door to his room.

"Oy, Sougo! Tell us what happened or I'll make you commit seppuku!" Hijikata threatened.

Sougo turned to look at them, and with his usual bored face he said "Pancakes" and left.

Everyone was left to stare at the door utterly confused.

* * *

Few days later Sougo received a letter. He thought it would be just the usual fan mail, so he got ready to burn it. He stopped, however, once he saw the sender's name. 

'What does that stupid little girl want now?' he thought as he ripped the letter open.

_Hey, you sadistic bastard!_

_I'm gonna make pancakes again this Sunday. Gin-chan and Shinpachi will be out so I'll be all alone with Sadaharu. Wanna join?_

Sougo smirked. 'Hmm, trying to ambush me, aren't you...'

However, the next Sunday, Sougo left the Shinsengumi headquarters saying he has things to do outside, and that they'd better not follow him if they valued their lives.

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So, what do you think? I don't know if it was funny at all, but at least I tried! And now we have another Gintama fic! xD

Review please!

I'LL GIVE YOU COOKIES!

PS. I really recommend spell checking the names in Gintama! They have so funny translations xD For example, Shinsengumi is Singsong and Kondou is Condom xDD

poakkis


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